For the first time in my life, I can’t stop gaining weight!

See, I eat when I’m happy and I am certain this is the happiest I’ve ever been; AKA: this is the fattest I’ve ever been.

Even directly after giving birth, I was only 140 pounds.

I am, now, 145 pounds.

Anyway, I’m going to finish this box of cookies and try to start working out in the morning.

I swear.

MERSEA DEAD SEA: Mineral Shea Butter Vanilla Coconut

So, my husband brought home this lotion during the time we were blending our households. He said something about bringing it from Paris and how amazing it is. 

I scoffed and clung tightly to my palmer’s CoCo Butter.

He opened it.

He used it.

I smelled it.

I looked at his moisturized skin.

I dipped my fingers into this thick, creamy pool of awesomeness and extracted a palmful. I lathered – no– luxuriated in it.

I ordered it from Israel.

Seriously.

Israel.

I will never use another body moisturizer, ever. I spent just over $30.00 for three 11.8oz containers. It took a couple of weeks to get to me but this is so worth it. I promise you.

Israel.

I made a gift basket for my sister on her birthday. And it goes a little something like this…

Ugh…I’ve been working so much lately and with getting married and settling into my new life with my new husband, I’ve been feeling a little run down. Time for a week of beauty.

I happen to live in a place where there is a health and beauty spa on-site. So, I started there with a little waxing –– all over. Then, a shower, steam, and a soak.

Today, I went to Trust Salon in West Hollywood and had my girl Kacey press my hair. Got tired of doing it myself. I think I may play with a center part, for a change.

I know.

I’m a wild woman.

ME: Babe, I gotta run to the store. Need anything?

HIM: I’mma need you to put on some pants.

ME: But, it’s summer!

HIM: Is that why you’re wearing your jail break/ Pirates of the Carribean striped panties under those OTHER panties with the pockets?

ME: Yeah!

HIM: Change out of those shorts, please, before you leave the house.

ME: Okay, but let me take a pictrue and put it on the internet, first.

HIM: *dead*

This is for those of you on my personal FB page who doubted my desire to buy jeggings.

You bitches were so wrong.

All I need now is some leopard ones and I’ll be set!

(dials Wayne’s #…)

I don’t get out much and haven’t laid by a pool in about…maybe four years. I said to myself, “Self, this is ridiculous!” and headed to the pool.

It was awesome.

We took fruit salad and water and a sandwich and tanning oil and sunblock…

Oh…

yeah…

Sunblock.

I gained 15 pounds and my GAP Boyfriend Jeans became just jeans.

I’ve been super busy the past week or so and have barely had time for myself.  I, actually, began to fall off of my Make-Over Month regiment and plan until a got a boost of inspiration from a friend.

Today, the quest for for the perfect eyebrow.  I visited my girl, Hannah, at AQ Nails in Studio City, CA and in just a few minutes –– POW!  Eyebrows.

Also, you’ll notice my hair is in a towel.

*sigh*

I’m having to wash and condition this Bengali hair AGAIN. It’s just not working for me.  I’m not sure but maybe it’s acting up because I’ve been having these killer night sweats and often wake with my hair stuck to my face and back, coated in sweat.  So, I’m going to try to take better care of it and make sure to either wrap it or place it in a bun before sleeping.

Also, thanks to an enormous amount of stress and anxiety, I’ve lost about 15 pounds and have been ordered to a high calorie diet which includes 6 bottles of Ensure Plus, per day.

Ugh…

In the interim, I just scheduled a massage with our on-site health spa.

Aaaaahhhh….

I may have gotten off track, but I’m back!

I was the only person at our spa today and it was lovely.  My masseuse says it feels as if I have five pound bags of potatoes instead of shoulders.

I guess that means I’m pretty tense and it made me want to take better care of myself.  Even my calves are tense for Pete’s sake!

WTF?

So, after she was finished kneading me into putty, I left my phone number for a guy named Cody who’s supposed to be able to work my body into fits of fitness, up at our gym.

I anxiously await his call.

In the interim, I stopped by the concierge desk and found out that they’ll do almost anything. Making a list of shit for them to do, now.

Make-over month is alive and well and living in Los Angeles!